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From: Assistant Foreign Minister for Spain

To: Personal Secretary of His Royal Highness Kaiser Wilhelm II

The Spanish Ambassador called upon our office and was quite perturbed. He was enquiring as to what exactly was meant by the Kaiser naming the cocktail of rum, lime and Coca-Cola a “Cuba Libre”.

To: Assistant Foreign Minister for Spain

From: Personal Secretary of His Royal Highness Kaiser Wilhelm II

His Royal Highness denies that he came up with that name, states that is what the drink has always been called, and that he neither invented it or named it.

From: Assistant Foreign Minister for Spain

To: Personal Secretary of His Royal Highness Kaiser Wilhelm II

Given that the Kaiser owns the European bottling and distribution rights to Coca-Cola, and is a fifty percent shareholder in the American “The Coca-Cola Company” and that no one in Europe seems to have heard of Coca-Cola until the Kaiser bought the rights and became a shareholder, the Spanish Ambassador is skeptical of the that argument. In the interest of improving relations with Spain, would the Kaiser consider renaming the beverage? Given his fame as a noted cocktail connoisseur, and as the owner of the European rights to its unique ingredient, would he be willing to put his influence on the subject towards renaming the cocktail to something less upsetting to the Spanish?

To: Assistant Foreign Minister for Spain

From: Personal Secretary of His Royal Highness Kaiser Wilhelm II

The Kaiser says, and I quote “Rum, lime and coke is a goddamn Cuba Libre. I didn’t come up with it, I didn’t name it, and I damn well won’t be changing it. If the Spanish don’t like it, they can invent their own cocktail. If they make one with coke in it, other than Jack and Coke or Crown and Coke, they can name that one. I suggest trying red wine and coke. I’ve heard Basques like that.”

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